the hole in my chest

[Gast (reel)]

I'm now 24

allmost 25 years old

and still can't cope with being home alone

with being alone

not having company

to play

to share

to love

to have fun

 

All my life I could never stay alone

allways distracting myself with something

something that gives me pleasure,

that was created by somenone else

and that I

simply

mostly mindlessly

consume

 

HOW CAN I GET AWAY FROM THIS ENDLESS CONSUMPTION TO FILL THAT HOLE IN MY CHEST?

Fuck U I don't want U Fuck U I don't want fuck u fuck u I don't want u I DON'T WANT YOU!!

 

Since I was a kid i flew from loneliness and unfulfilled dreams into stories and imagination, books and movies

fled into other worlds than mine, into drugs, into the blessing of teachings, of buddhism, spiral dynamics and NVC

 

I don't want to feel this pain

this pain

this suffering

this feeling so hopelessly lost

and alone

alone

alone

with no one that really can help me

 

Agony

 

Death

no, No, NO

I DON'T WANT THAT!

<<<333

<<//33

 

Still I can't let go of the dream

the dreams

the dream

the good life, the paradise

where everything is good

I'm happy, fulfilled, not lonely, not alone anymore

 

Habe ich was

Liebe

oder Leben

Ja - das!